Dear Facebook

I have some special words reserved for you, but they aren’t appropriate and I’m quite possibly liable to be marked as SPAM or thrown in Facebook jail, so I’ll keep the words PG.

This note is on behalf of small business owners just trying to utilize the extra couple hours they might have in their already packed schedule to make some extra dough in hopes to eat more than Ramen one night this week because their student loan bills claim more than half their career paycheck before they even work the hours who worry everyday if the refrigerator is going to die because god forbid we have to find $500 laying around for a new one. This is on behalf of the boss gals, the boss ladies, and just the bosses that want to scroll through Facebook and actually see something current for once. This is on behalf of the people who actually connect with like-minded individuals across your platform through one of the many Facebook groups and now all of a sudden can’t even get a notification and are missing all of the cute puppy pictures being posted.

Stop screwing things up.

I’ve never once spoken with someone who has been excited about a Facebook change! I think that will be the day pigs fly- when someone joyfully sings out like a choir of angels “Oh boy! It’s Tuesday- time for Facebook to make more changes behind the scenes so we can all visit Facebook jail for logging in!” I mean the colors for the groups was cool, except you forgot to roll it out to everyone so half my groups are colored like a rainbow threw up on them and the other half are just sitting in the corner, covered in dust like that long forgotten TV remote under the couch.

We just want things to go back to normal.

Like when we used to be able to post what we were doing and one of our friends could join in the banter about that one time we did that together. Gone are the good ole days. Now, no one will see your dog’s new tricks unless you happen to catch it on Facebook Live on the most active day at the peak time of the evening and tag 33 of your friends in the video. Why won’t you just let us indulge our animal loving souls?!

For those small business owners- creating engagement has become about as hard as actually getting engaged anymore. Have an item everyone is going to go crazy over? Don’t post it on Facebook! The staple pair of solid black leggings are shared and your great Aunt might give you an angry face emoji on accident- but don’t expect too much more than that. Also be sure to not over use Facebook either- too many likes, comments and gifs in too short of a time period will be an instant go to jail card and- no- you won’t be collecting $200 as you pass Go because you’ve been blocked.

It has become nearly impossible to interact with people that you actually want to follow. I thought Facebook was supposed to be the platform to make connections across, build new relationships and deepen current ones- but it’s really just deepening my stress lines across my forehead and growing new gray hairs.

You know it’s bad when you find yourself asking- where is the founder of MySpace and can we get that little site re-opened?

So Facebook, unless you are trying to lose users, break up friendships, and kill communities with a slight change of code- PLEASE let us control our news feeds again and our notifications. Eventually, you will have given a large portion of the young human race PTSD because we thought for so long it was us- when you really just hid all our friends from us.


A girl that just wants to sell some leggings to pay off her student loans so she doesn’t have to spend every other free minute waiting tables

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