Instagram means Instaglam, right?!

Instagram is the original IG, and it’s just about as confusing as a Rubix cube. I do not know where in the world to begin, so I shall give you a peak into my mind while creating my latest Insta account.

Instagram account created. Great! I’m already winning at life- I’ll instantly find old friends on here and connect with them! Social anxiety is no more when I have a screen between us! Even the ones that I haven’t actually spoken to in 12 years… yeah, I’ll add those in too. It’s all about the numbers in this game.

I need to upload a profile picture… a round one? Well that’s fancy I guess. It cuts out half of the outfit that I spent a good 3 and half hours trying to put together, but that’s fine. Equal playing field I guess.

Name is pretty self-explanatory. I know who I am right? But maybe not, those people have Emojis added to the end! Let me add a couple of my favorites. The extra spaces are pretty, very minimalistic and modern. I’ll add the extra spaces in between my letters. Forty-five minutes later, my name looks like a cave man drawing a message to his ancestors. It’s fine.

Username?! I just finally figured out what my actual name would be and now you are telling me I need to be even more creative?! I’m just using my normal name. That username has been taken. Please try again. You are kidding me right? I’ll just add a number on the end. Taken. WHY would anyone have the last four of my social listed in the same exact username?! Let’s rewind and look at this from a new angle. OH! Let’s also add one of the periods in between my first and last name. Taken. Alright… who is this evil twin I have?! And I thought the name field was difficult. Starting from scratch and a blank username field. Come on Rachel, think! Let’s just keep it simple and use the shop name. Taken. OH. MY. LANTA. (Adds in a period between the thrasher and the boutique) Accepted! This is worth my gray hairs, This is worth my gray hairs, this is worth my gray hairs.

Bio is next. A blank area for creativity as far as the mind can see- well at least for 150 characters. I’ve heard using hashtags here can be helpful to finding a new crowd. Oh lord now the entirely foreign language of hashtags needs to be figured out just for my 150-character bio that people really only look at for like 2.5 seconds. I settled on a bunch of emojis, #instagramvirgin, and the ever popular… follow my link below!

-Thirteen days later-

WHEW! I think I finally got every field completed for my Instagram account and are finally ready to make some new friends! Maybe I should have some content up first so that they know I’m a real person that they really want to be friends with. I should also probably stop calling it “friends” because “friends” is for Facebook (which we have already established SUCKS) and “following” is the Instagram term. I think likes may also be important, but that’s for a later date.

Okay first post- better make it good! I’m currently staring at a mug on my desk that has about an inch of two-day old coffee still hanging out in it- maybe that would be a good post? I mean it’s a cute mug, I’ll just take it at an angle you can’t see the mold in. Or what about my outfit of today?! I mean clearly today’s outfit is worth sharing with the world because… well… its more than my usual PJ shorts and hoodie. My hair has actually seen a brush for once. Outfit of the day may be worthwhile. My other option is definitely to post a picture of my lunch. Can’t do my dinner because the lighting is too dark, but my lunch would be perfect! Maybe I’ll re arrange the tomatoes on my salad so they bring out the color in the lettuce!

Eh- I’ll just post all three.

Voila! My Instagram is officially live and ready to prowl the hashtags for equally amazing users to “follow”.  Why don’t they teach a class on Instagram in college? I feel like it should be an entire PhD program with all of the genius-level knowledge that goes into getting set up. Hashtags could be their own entire Minor. If someone told me twenty years ago, back when we were still calling the symbol the POUND sign, that a hashtag would basically run the internet- you would most definitely be getting some side eye. Ya’ll, I had dial up internet that my mother could kick me off simply by picking up our corded house phone. Try hash tagging that (I’m not even sure that was a word…)! But I think I have this Instagram thing pretty figured out! I’ll just gain all the followers now and I’ll be able to see what everyone is up to, maybe even get enough followers to influence people too!

Wait… what did you just say? Post daily? Follow, comment and like every day?! I thought this wasn’t rocket science?! I didn’t apply for another full time job…. goodness. Well, let me just rally up my troops and let them know they will be marching out to Instagram for battle tomorrow until I have enough followers to influence someone to buy beauty products that I don’t even know exist yet! How hard is it to be #instaglam?!

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